Misery

((The penmanship of the writing is long and loopy, a slow hand having composed it.))

Two days ago I recieved news that my study on the powers of Destruction and the applications of focusing solely on fire had been met with approval. My published paper was being handed from Warlock to Warlock with a contagious speed. And yet my intellectual triumph is hollow. Even as I have finally made my mark among my brethren, I have left another mark indelible and dark. It is one mark upon two hearts, and with a masteruful stroke I found myself worse off than I had been before. It is no lie to say I loved and love them both, but I could not bring myself to choose between them. Forced to, I did what I felt was best for all… I lied and told them I was better off alone.

Such unforgiving eyes I have only seen when I blow the light out of the delicate candle of light from the eyes of my enemies, either on the battlefield or off. Never had I imagined such a reaction to my simple statement. It is true in a way… in my younger days I would have thought nothing of saying what I had, for it would have allowed me more time to pursue my studies. Age has changed me, and I cannot say it is for better or worse as I sit here, neglecting both my duties and myself. For hours I sit and reconsider what I should have said. Should I have been more passionate in my entreaty? Should I have chosen between them as they had asked me to? Again and again my logical mind concludes that what I did spared them both the most heartache, and yet I cannot deny that I miss them already.

Other duties draw my attention away, a new letter intended for someone else giving rise to a thought in the back of my head. A chance at work. Hard work. The work I can bury myself in and hide so deep that this pain will never be able to dig through. Yes, perhaps it is for the best that I take to this new task with a clear mind, focused and alert. Someone once told me to move on… and if I cannot convince them otherwise, then I am left but with that fragment of advice to act on and so I shall. My time is short now. I have letters to pen and meetings to organize.

Erubadhron Valorbane

((The signature and second half of the last paragraph are hastily written.))

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